Iron Fist in a Velvet Glove

Thoughtful Thursday No.77

Delivering feedback effectively is a skill that can make all the difference in driving behavioural change and achieving desired outcomes.

Napoleon Bonaparte's concept of an "iron fist in a velvet glove" perfectly encapsulates the art of combining firmness with empathy, ensuring your message is received without triggering defensiveness.

It's not about sugar-coating issues or avoiding uncomfortable truths; it's about finding the right balance.

I have seen and experienced “Iron Fists” that say it bluntly and just move on with no consideration for the other person.

I have also seen and experienced “Velvet Gloves” that can’t bring themselves to say the truths that need to be said.

Kim Scott's approach, "Care passionately, challenge directly," provides a valuable framework. Here's an example:

Traditional Approach: "Your performance isn't good enough, and if you don't improve, there will be formal action."

Effective Approach: "I want to discuss your recent performance. I've noticed it hasn't met our expectations, and it's important for both of us to address this. I believe in your potential and am here to support your improvement. However, if things don't improve, formal action might be the only option. This decision rests with you."

While the effective approach might seem wordier, it conveys the message with care and provides a clear path for improvement.

This style of feedback delivery is often better received and more likely to lead to positive action.

Newer leaders sometimes struggle to find the right balance in feedback.

They may lean too heavily toward being overly critical or excessively gentle, both of which can disengage employees.

Striking the balance between an "iron fist" message and a "velvet glove" delivery is an art that can be learned and refined.

If you’re struggling to give a piece of feedback you know you need to give, feel free to DM for a little help.